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Friday, September 2, 2016

My Very Own Halloween Confession.

This is a shocker....for those of you who know me....

I haven't really been in Halloween mode AT ALL this year..and I have mixed feelings about it.  And it's September fucking 2nd!  So yeah, I am kind of freaking out seeing as the party is in fifty days.

Everyone who knows me knows I'm the epitome of Halloween crazed, but this year has been unique.  Unique in that a lot of things have changed in my life, bad things happened, but even more amazing things happened, and I've been taking time for those amazing things and working on getting past the bad things.  That is the reason for my Halloween slacking.

My depression and anxiety hit an all time high, but still getting better every day.  I don't need the medication for it anymore and am going to therapy every other week and applying all the self-help shit I've learned over the years.  Becoming self-aware is key if you're going to make it in this life.  I feel like I talked about some of this in my last post, but since I'm so terrible at updating these days, and it's been like 3 months, I don't mind repeating myself.

As far as the Halloween shin-dig, I have put forth SOME effort into it...I bought some liquor, woohoo.  And have bought a few decoration supplies....most of which I will need to craft myself, sooooo I'm really going to need to make the time to actually do that.  Ugh, my gawd, thinking about it is so stressful.  I feel like every year people rely on me to put on this wild spectacle of Halloween shenanigans and I feel like I'm going to let myself and other people AND the entity of Halloween, down!  I AM FREAKING OUT.  Right now, right in this moment I am freaking out!!!!  AS I'M TYPING.

Fuck....I really need to get my shit together....people depend on me....

Okay, but really, now that it's September, I feel like I can get in the swing of it.  And once I start seeing all the Halloween stuff in stores, shit will get real.  Halloween shit is always real, it's just suppressed.

JSiugbpwiuvbwa@@!@peivSIUEGBeisbgi##vebabblingover....

<3

Friday, June 17, 2016

Insomnia.

Remember when I used to write in this thing?  Vapid silliness.

Well, it's been quite some time for good reason...now here I am, almost 4AM, unable to sleep, pounding through season 3 of American Horror Story, plagued by the incessant knocking of my ceiling fan, of which I have tried numerous times to remedy with no such luck...

I don't know what I'm doing here, maybe I thought this would help me sleep.  Maybe just typing; talking would help get all my racing thoughts in order.  I can't remember the last time it helped.

I know why I can't sleep, it's these damned withdrawal effects from the anti-depressant I only took for a couple of months.  It helped with my anxiety issues majorly, but I recently decided that it wasn't necessary to take them anymore, fully aware of the possible withdrawal symptoms that may occur.  Take this as a cautionary tale to believe every bad thing you read about duloxetine on the internet...if your doctor tries to put you on it (also known as Cymbalta), tell them to go straight to hell.

I like to think it hasn't been as difficult for me as I've read it has been for those who were on it for years, so I'm just hoping that it doesn't get worse before it gets better.

At first it started with the pit of anxiety lumped in my throat giving me a sensation that I either needed to scream or cry like a banshee. Then the brain zapping started.  It's to the point where I can't tell the difference between an epileptic aura or a zap.  I've started to become moody, agitated, dizzy and my appetite is all jacked again.  Sometimes I feel apathy or extreme sadness.  It's effecting my tummy and now my sleep...it's almost as if I'm AFRAID to go to sleep.  I'm very much hoping that this is the worst of it and that if I just stay busy that I won't even notice all the bullshit and get on with my life, which is what I've been trying to do in the last month anyway.

The people in my life are making things tremendously easier.  This year being full of some of the most extreme ups and downs of my life would not be as manageable had it not been for those who have been by my side.

I've been feeling a lot of other changes internally as well.  Good ones...one of the reasons I've decided to ditch the meds.  I just can't stand being on numerous medications as it is.  But yes, changes for the better...or not even so much changes, but a reinstitution of my former self.  Even thought the side-effects are there, I'm still more in tune with who I am than I have been the last several years.  And isn't that just the best feeling?  Or one of the best.

I dunno, I could go on for hours I am sure...and while you guys know I talk about personal stuff here as well, the whole intent for this journal thing, whatever, was for Halloween related topics.  That should be reinstated soon....I'm a little behind this year, but the itch is catching up with me.  I mean, it's already mid June for peanut butter's sake!!! ><

Still big plans on the Halloween front.

With that, I bid you good night...I must attempt sleep, this is ridiculous.

THE FACE OF INSOMNIA:


Thursday, February 18, 2016

Halloween Has Begun.

I think my brain is getting a little bit of a jump start with regards to Halloween planning.  Considering we had the dumbest "winter" ever here in Texas.  What a fucking bust.  If you know me or have read any of my previous entries, you know how much I prefer cold, cloudy weather.  The only thing I hate about winter really, is the fact that it gets dark so early.  It's starting to stay bright until about 6:20pm now, but I can't wait until it gets back to being light until about 9pm.  But what a shit winter for those of us who need the dismal Tim Burtonesque type weather.  I feel fucking cheated!

Not to mention I'm actually really sick and tired of people saying how fucking BEEEAUUTIFUL it is outside.  Here's an idea, not everyone SHARES your love of the sun and 80F January days.  Go eat a dick and take your "BEAUTIFUL" sunny weather with you.  OKAY, that was uncalled for, but I'm so tired of people talking about how mother fucking beautiful it is.  Come up with another adjective, you dorks!  End Rant.

So with this stupid abbreviated weather, I feel like my conscience is starting a little early, because my brain THINKS it's April.  For those of you who don't know, or don't remember, the theme of the party this year is Vintage Halloween.  It's actually probably going to be pretty easy.  Just lots of crepe paper and streamers.  I'm also planning on having a photo booth of sorts for people to play with props and take pictures with my camera and what not.  Juices are flowing!

As far as my channel, things are going swimmingly.  I could use more views and subscribers, but I guess I just need to be patient.  The only issue is the lack of time I have to make the videos "nice."  Like I literally came home from work last night, did some cleaning, microwaved dinner (because of time restraints), watched a horror flick still in my work clothes, which are also kind of like pajamas, finished the movie and filmed a haphazard review....not to mention I was kinda high on my epilepsy meds, so needless to say, the movie review will be kinda shitty, lol.  But whatever, they'll get better with time, ha.

In case you missed my last two horror themed videos, you're in luck!  I have them right here!




These are actually two of my favorites already, and I think I'm making the right decision with going the horror route.  I am beyond excited.

Other than that...in the bad news department, I'm suffering from unfounded, inexplicable anxiety attacks again.  I am trying to cope with them mostly with just talking to myself.  I've cut out the caffeine (still drinking decaf because I like the taste of coffee), but I think I should cut out the beer too :(  Booooooo.  I really just need to get a physical and see if I can talk to a psychiatrist.  I just don't understand their origin.  I can't find a trigger.  It's scary because it's causing breathing and swallowing issues/fears.  Talking to other people about their experiences helps, and I even called a crisis hotline the other night just to TALK to someone.

Seriously, if you are ever needing to just talk to someone, you don't have to be on the verge of suicide, you are allowed to call those hotlines ANYTIME you feel you are alone or need to talk to someone outside of your scope of friends and family.

Okay okay, that's enough for today.  I just wanted to announce that the ball is rolling, amidst all the other life shit I have to do!  Thanks for stopping by, kittens.  Tell your friends and don't forget to subscribe to my YouTube channel!  It really helps me out a lot.  Much love!! <3

Monday, February 8, 2016

Ladies & Gentleman, Boys & Ghouls.

I just wasted like 30 minutes trying to find a new countdown widget for Halloween....can't find one...will get back to that later.

Okay, anyway, I know I've said this before, but I don't like having this much time in between posts.  I mean, I guess I don't have THAT much to say, especially within the realm of Halloween related things, but there is always the horror aspect....

So I recently decided...and I have no idea if I already mentioned this in my last blog, but I've recently decided that the route I need to take my YouTube channel is the horror route.

When I first started making videos, I had no idea wtf I was doing, where I was going with it and what I wanted my direction to be, but now I know.  Tonight I filmed my first (shitty) video of my Horror Block unboxing!!!  And while it's kinda lame, and scatter-brained, I will be making them better in the future.  I had to film it quickly and kind of way too late because I need to film in private, and I feel like I don't get much privacy or alone time these days.  So I just threw it together tonight with crappy lighting and no script but whatever, I'm trying my best with the time I have.

As usual though, here are my latest uploads for those who missed out.




I really like my arcade walk-through video, I mean, it's not the greatest cinematography, but that's not what I get paid to do.  I just had fun making it.  Oh, and I'm not sharing my new underwear video here....those stupid videos get views without me even trying....sheesh.

So while those are being enjoyed I will try to get the other one edited and uploaded within a timely fashion.  In the meantime, here's what else I've been up to in photos....



Makin' delicious vegan foods, such as chili and vegan cheese dip!


Acquiring Halloween decor for everyday use!


And finally opening this mother B!!

Otherwise, my class starts next week and I get my mornings back from work!!!  Maybe I'll get some me time, as well as more time to film videos, huzzah!

Okay, time to work...or maybe just watch a horror movie and fall asleep, hehehehe.  Goodnight.

Wednesday, January 27, 2016

ALL THE THINGS!

Ah crap, this always happens.  I don't update for like EVER, and then I have so many things to talk about I have no idea where to start.  Need to start organizing my thoughts......

I really have no excuse explaining why I haven't blogged....not that many people read this dang thing anyway! ><

Last time I talked a lot about feeling preemptively overwhelmed by what is to come, and well, let's just say, I didn't get overwhelmed much at all....because I have put stuff aside to go out a lot and have more fun! LOL.  I do need to mellow out on going out.  I need to focus on my future and YouTube stuff.  I have been feeling anxiety lately though...at least I think I have...it's been manifesting itself into difficulty swallowing, which of course just makes me panic and have more anxiety, hooray.

I was watching one of my favorite vlog channels, this guy who calls himself The L.A. Beast (his real name's Kevin), who started out as a competitive eater, but has incredibly entertaining vlogs...but in any case, he said something in one of his videos: Success Never Sleeps.  And that really struck a chord with me.  First of all I completely agree.  Then again, of course you have to sleep SOMEtime.  But it also made me kind of pissed.  Pissed that my body requires sleep at all.  And I thought about it....there are two kinds of people in this world: those who wish they didn't have to sleep so they could accomplish more and more things and work towards what they desire, and then those people who just can't wait to go home and go to bed.

Weirdly enough that same day, I was perusing Instagram and came across a post by ANOTHER one of my favorite YouTuber/vloggers, Rob Dyke, and he was pretty much talking about the same thing I just mentioned.  Thinking back on it, I think it's some kind of a sign or some cosmic shit like that.

I've also been struggling with deciding which direction I want to go with on my channel, but I think today I finally made a decision.  Should I say, or make it a surprise?  Muaha.

I have been somewhat networking a lot though.  Really getting into interacting with fellow YouTubers, big and small, and it's been going swimmingly.  Needless to say, I've been watching more than I have been uploading, but it's honestly all for the greater good in the end.

I have several videos that I've filmed but haven't edited, so I'm going to keep posting random stuff willy-nilly, but will gradually post more of a certain genre and mold my channel into what my vision is.

But if you haven't seen my most recent videos since my last blog, here they are in order:




They're pretty self explanatory.  I make sushi, I open my new monthly subscription to KitNipBox and the last one is a 23 second video of me playing my favorite game at Dave & Busters.  Watch 'em all, or none at all.  Just thanks for stopping by, ha!

I'll leave you with some photos in case you don't see me on Instagram or Facebook :)





CATS AND FOOD!!!  Have a good night ^_^

Thanks, kittens.

Monday, January 11, 2016

Too Much On My Plate?

Today I realized that maybe I'm feeling preemptively burnt out....like I'm anticipating it...I'm trying to make all these changes and try all these new things this year and spend all this money and try to keep everyone else happy and all I can think about is all the stuff that is still just around the corner.  I'm taking one online class, but that usually takes up a pretty good amount of time studying each week.  I am behind on video editing for YouTube and have a bunch of new ones lined up.  There's pressure for me to buy a new bed because I threw my old one out for reasons explained here:



And I've just been working more and this week we have some promotion going on so I have to deal with that, and I'm sick of emailing and calling people already.  These dumbass people who pick up the phone and are like, "Well, I'm busy right now...."  Then don't pick up your phone!  Let it go to voicemail, dumb dumb!  Egh, sorry, just had to rant a minute there.....

I went out a lot last week perhaps because I knew that soon I would be really way too busy to do much after and before work.  We have plans to go out this week as well.  I went shopping for a video (and myself), and subscribed to two monthly unboxing services.  Horror Block and KitNipBox.

Almost everything I spend these days has something to with YouTube videos, or channel improvement, video quality, whatever, you get the idea.  Except for food....and actually, sometimes food too for my sushi video, and my vegan taste test videos....it's amazing how much YT can take over your life in such a short amount of time.

I've been watching a lot of my favorite YouTubers' vlogging channels lately as well.  I should be watching less and doing more, but the vlogging channels, which are independent from their infotainment channels, are quite beneficial for me from a business stand point.  You get to see their behind the scenes stuff, they talk about how they manage their time, how they started, answer questions and give tips, etc.  So it is still like I'm working.  Research work.  Speaking of which, I need to do a lot of research for my future videos and I have not been making the time.  It's simply my own fault.  I'm not making it happen.  I think fear has taken over in some aspects.

Fear of failure, fear of not doing a good enough job, fear of criticism, and what have you.  But that's not the point to this whole thing, this whole year.  YouTube makes me peanuts right now, but it still needs to take precedence and needs to be treated like a second job.  Like I've said before, my only regret is that I didn't start doing it sooner.

But there's no sense in regretting, I just have to continue to make strides.  I need to buy another soft box as well.  As if I thought the one would be enough....

Oh, and I had a request asking how I cook my tofu.....


I don't have a specific technique.  Best thing to do is let the tofu drain overnight in a Tupperware container or a covered bowl.  I didn't have time for that, so I just cubed a whole container of tofu, sprayed a little olive oil in a wok type pan, dumped in the tofu, put heat on medium to high, cover it and just let the sides brown.  Mix up the tofu from time to time so they can brown on all sides, or if you're crafty, you can shake them up and toss them in the air, just make sure you know how to get them back in the pan and not all over the place, haha.

I added soy sauce from the beginning as well so it gives it some extra flavor and saltiness and browns it a little more.  Later I added water here and there so the pan wouldn't burn and to get the other spices to stick to it.  I put in curry and ginger powder and added whole cloves of garlic.  But really anything you like can go in!  Basil would be nice :)

Basically I just keep an eye on it, there are other things you can do like bake it for a little while to make it crispier, if times permits.  I also added green onions and steamed broccoli near the end, but sometimes browning the broccoli is amazing too.

Hope this helps!  I'm not a chef so I'm a little scatter-brained with my explanation :-P

Anyway, I should get back to it.  Lots to do :)

Thanks for stopping by kittens.

Wednesday, January 6, 2016

299 Days Until Halloween.

Well, I figure it's been a while since I've actually addressed the original reason for starting this blog.  But yeah, less then 300 days away and while I'm not quite freaking out yet, but I might be soon.  I reflected a little bit on the past year and I'm moving forward and thinking about how many things are going to change and are already changing for the new year.  More on that later though.

I'm actually quite sleepy and should be relaxing with a horror movie, but I'm trying to let my hair dry before I fall asleep.  Y'all know how it is.

By now I've usually got some trivia questions finished for my Halloween party, but I haven't even thought about it.  I've been doing other reading and research pertaining to future YouTube videos, which include but are not limited to haunted asylums, the infamous Driskill Hotel here in Austin, TX and other random life vlogging type things.

Speaking of trivia, I've done it three times in the past week.  The last two times I tried it alone, but here I am with my friend Dorothy:

Photo courtesy: Alyssa B.

We didn't do half bad, and when I played alone I did better than I thought I would, ha.

One of the things that I'd like to stick to this year is trying new things as well.  Such as that time I made sushi....on Monday...after work.....lol.....


I am going to try again tomorrow!  I also filmed it and am still working on editing that video for your viewing pleasure.

I feel like trying new things this year won't be hard if I plan to document it for my channel.  Seriously, it's the most motivating thing I've got in my life right now.  Other than paying bills and basic survival.  YT has been a life changer for me, and this year is going to be amazing, I can feel it.

Okay, well if you missed it, here is my New Year's Vlog:


I'll leave you with that.  I mainly just wanted to touch a little bit on the subject of Halloween now that the holidays are over.  Still have a few to get through, and the summer.....ugh, the summer, I am already dreading it.  Here is my blog about reverse seasonal affective disorder....

Goodnight.  (I originally made a typo and said "Goofnight" and almost left it because it is silly.  Maybe next time). :-P

Sunday, January 3, 2016

Couch Potato. Happy New Year!

So since I have the worlds smallest room with no space for a desk, I set up camp in my living room to do work on the floor at my coffee table (with coffee of course!) but I quite like it here.  It's wintry and cozy and I have a charming unutilized fireplace with some candles lit, a twinkly Christmas tree still lit up and three cats to keep me company.

Today is a research/reading day.  For business and pleasure.  Here is today's spread:



The Walking Dead Compendium was lent to me by a friend since we both need to catch up on that!  The rest is mostly research papers and a book for future YouTube content.  The pink book I found at a thrift store about a woman with exercise bulimia, which is something that I have "suffered" from off and on in my 20s.  I don't talk about it much, there wasn't much to it, but I enjoy reading other accounts on the subject, and this topic is hard to find literature on.

In any case, I hope everyone had a fantabulous New Year's Eve!  A bunch of us went to the arcade, and it couldn't have been a better, more fun choice!  I got to see so many people I love and we all just had a really exciting time!  I was looking at pictures afterward and just realizing how great I've got it in this life.  I may not have much or do a lot, but I am so fortunate to have such great friends, a boyfriend, family, good health and access to fun experiences, and I just really hope that I am able to succeed in making this year even better.  I've never been a New Year's resolutions type, but I made a video of future plans/goals!


Almost everything reverts back to my YouTube "career," and bettering my YouTube game.  I enjoy it so much, and am learning still, little by little everyday, and I love it.  My only regret is not starting sooner! ><

Since I last blogged I have made a couple more videos if you're interested!  This one is something along the lines of the things I want to do MORE of in the future, hence the research I would like to accomplish today:


Fun, factual, creepy, weird stuff!  It is completely my favorite!

As well, I made another vegan food taste test video, and I'm proud that I made it shorter for people who lack the attention span, lol.  Hopefully that will up my average view duration!


But anyway, as usual, thank you for stopping by!  And yes, if you're wondering, I am starting to miss Halloween already :-P

Until next time, see you soon internet family!! xoxo

Wednesday, December 23, 2015

Baby-Steps.

This is going to be short, as it mostly pertains to YouTube.  I was talking to a friend about some things, getting some unsolicited advice, and of course it was appreciated!  But as I was sitting there listening, I just keep thinking to myself what to do, how to get better faster, and then I realized, that at this point in time, it's really all about these baby-steps.  I know I mentioned it in my last post, for those of you who actually read it, but I just keep thinking about it, and I've decided that that is my new mantra.

I don't HAVE to be great and perfect right away at this YT business.  It takes some people years to get good, and I've even figured some seemingly simply shit out since my last blog, which was only yesterday!  That just means, it will get better and better, slowly, but I have confidence in myself, and all I know is that I just have to keep going, even if it's a small step at a time.  And be PATIENT.

I mean, I've got a whole life that I am supposed to be living on top of this, and while it'd be nice to quit my day job and just throw myself into YouTube entirely, that can't happen right now.  I have to learn to manage the time that I have, even if it means forgetting to nourish my body and sleep.  Sometimes you have to go hardcore even when you're taking baby-steps!

I just needed to get that off my chest, because it's all I've been thinking and wondering and worrying about for the past few days....I am slapping a shitty video up right now because I just feel like it dammit!  Hahaha.  And if you missed the drunk gingerbread house making, then today is your lucky day because here it is again!  LOL.  And here is yesterday's blog in case you missed it and need reference :-D


Thanks for stopping by :)

Tuesday, December 22, 2015

Potatoes And Frost And Other Such Things.

Oh, I really don't like having so much time in between posts!  Well, in any case, I made some delicious potatoes:


Cuz, who the hell doesn't like potatoes?  You point out to me who doesn't like potatoes!

Okay, anyway.  In other real news....I've picked up some hours at work, so I have been busy with that.  I celebrated my birthday which was super fun and I love my friends.  I've still been trying to keep up with my workouts and it's going OKAY.  I get two three day weekends in a row and I totally need and deserve it.  I FINALLY finished editing and uploading the latest YouTube project!  HERE:


What a fun challenge, but I won't get into it too much right now since I want to keep this short!

I made a couple more lame videos:



And really am just looking forward to some lazy time and time to focus on some future projects for YouTube, practicing editing and other such things to make my videos more interesting and watchable.  I plan to purchase some lighting next.  The key word here is BABY-STEPS.  I guess that's a hyphenated word, but it's one word.

I just have found that it's something I'm really passionate about and if all I have time is to do it in my "spare" time for now, then so be it.  I will progress at my own pace.  But I can't stop, won't stop!  Persistence is key :-D

I am looking to take a class or two again next semester as well, so that will be a time sucker, but I want to do it all.  I like being busy.

Oh, and last but not least, I'm REALLY not too keen on the weather in Texas right now.  WTF IT'S HOT.  Christmas Day is supposed to be like 80F.  Not very Christmasy.  Ugh, what do I care, I don't even celebrate Christmas.  I celebrate winter, but it's kind of difficult to do when you live here.

I saw some news article on Facebook that there is supposed to be some kind of crazy post Christmas winter storm though, and I'm really hoping they aren't messing with me.  In any case, I found some beautiful frost on an early morning birthday walk to the gym the other day!  So beautiful!  See?!


But for now, that is all.  I have some research to tend to.  Thanks for stopping by!  :)

Wednesday, December 9, 2015

0.07 and Counting.

Recently one of the most exciting things in my life has been researching and checking YouTube analytics.  It's been going at a snails pace but every little change is quite exciting for someone just starting out.  I honestly don't expect much from my silly little channel.  I don't really have a target audience, I just make videos for the sake of making videos, but it's quickly become my new favorite hobby and even with as little effort as I'm putting into it as I am, it's still quite time consuming!  I don't even fully know how to edit yet and I still find myself up later than I usually am, researching and spending time on YouTube in general.  I've even had a couple of nights already where I forgot I was hungry, and have been having to force myself to eat before I tuck into my bed with my laptop for the night.  This morning I also had to force myself to make my lunch for work too and not stay busy doing other things and maybe rely on picking up lunch later.  I was so engrossed the other day I forgot to drink water and kept wondering why I was so thirsty all day.  Even this morning, with all of the seven cents of excitement, I kept repeating to myself, "OMG, I have so much to do..." On top of all of my day to day menial tasks.

Well, that was a fucking mouthful!

And trust me, I have plenty more to say.

I was kind of joking with my boyfriend too when I was talking about how exciting it was when I said, "I feel reborn!"  Truth joke.

I also just kind of like feeling busy again.  With this crappy blog, YOUTUBE, work, my ONE class which is almost over (thank goodness), social media in general, and now I'm even considering getting a Twitter account.  On top of that, all my other life shit I have to deal with, like Obamacare, actually going to the doctor, dealing with my epilepsy BS, cats, cat puke, avoiding Christmas, going to school if I can afford it, vacation planning for next September.  OH LORD.  Why do we do this to ourselves, huh?

Ha, well, nice thing, my bb gave me my birthday presents early this year.  This beautiful ring I found at Renaissance Faire, which wasn't in my size there, but he went online later and bought the correct size as a surprise:


As well, he got me a Magic Bullet!  Like the kind on the infomercial, lol.  I don't have a picture of the MB itself, but I do have a picture of this hummus I made with it, which he said looked "liquidy."  Of which, I of course maturely replied with, "YOU look liquidy."


I think I just added too much olive oil, honestly.  After I ate the entire bowl I didn't feel so great either.  I tend to over-do it with the hummus though....

Onward, the rest of this month will of course be jam packed.  I have a Christmas party this Saturday, was invited to another but will have to decline because I can't be overwhelming myself.  Then I planned a birthday shindig, but will have people come to ME at my apartment.  Makes it a little less stressful for me.

HOLD THAT THOUGHT.  I literally had to stop myself just now and make myself go get some water.

I don't really "observe" actual Christmas, so I don't worry myself with that, and don't feel pressure to buy gifts, thank gawd.

As for the short term, vegan eating and weight training have been going well, even though it's only been a couple of weeks for the weight training, I already can feel a difference.  I have noticed with my body, I can gain muscle quite easily, especially when I'm eating right.  This pleases me.

AAAANNDD tonight, my good friend and I are filming a fun video for my channel, and I was originally going to tell you lovely people what it is, but I think I'll leave it a surprise.

In the mean time, please watch my most recent two videos if you have not! :-D



Well, that's all for now folks!  Again, it's way too long, so congratulations for making it this far ;)

Much love, kittens!

Saturday, December 5, 2015

Christmas Cards & Still Sick?

Wow, December 5th, this month is basically over, lol.  I started X-Mas cards last night, got about 9 finished, probably about 12 to go?  Just depends on which of my friends send me their address if they want one! :)



I can't seem to shake this sick stuff though.  Still coughing, just not as much, and often can't breathe through my nose which makes eating kind of a pain in the ass.  Any tips or remedies?

Sick Selfie.

I started my weight training.  Went hard and ended up really sore, but it's healing so I can start up again.  I am quite excited.  Also, veganism is going swimmingly.  I think I have one can of chicken and stars left, but I don't even want it or need it.  I was craving fruit like a mad woman last night though.  Maybe I need more Vitamin C?!

VEGAN NOMNOMS.


Oh, and if you did not already know, I DO have a better quality camera to use for my channel!


The sound quality is not the best though.  Going to try it for a while though, and then move on to bigger and better things.  My subscribers are growing slowly, but growing none the less :) Now I just need a tripod and some lighting, maybe a microphone, haha.

I have a good feeling about this YouTube business though....I am kind of learning and growing at a snails pace, but it's actually quite a bit of work, even if you're not putting THAT much work into it like I'm not.  I am just going about it when I have time mostly.  Not even editing yet.  I can't imagine the amount of man hours it takes just to produce a top quality YT video.  Well, actually I can.  One of my favorite YouTubers, Bite Size Vegan, logs exactly how much time it takes to make some of her videos, it's insane, especially if it's a heavily researched one.  100+ hours on some.  I'm starting to have a new appreciation for certain aspects of movie making and entertainment in general.  And I'm barely producing anything!

Anyway, it's all good stuff and I'm gonna keep going for as long as I can and just keep getting better and better.  It's just fun to do, I look forward to making videos.

That's all you get for now.  I have a busy weekend and need to focus on feeling better!

Thanks for stopping by, kittens!


Tuesday, December 1, 2015

December & Being Sick! + vegan talk

Can't  believe it's already December, huh?  Actually, I can.  How was everyone's year?  Do you do that resolution bullshit?  Haha. I think I might do that this year, on behalf of my desire to fully transition to vegan.

Going vegan is not easy, I don't care what anyone else tells you.  It's not an overnight thing, for some people it takes years.  Most of your friends and family are likely still eating standard American/Western diets.  Most of your friends and family probably don't understand or want to understand what you're doing and you feel pressured to eat a certain way and not be who you really want to be.  Some people will be supportive, some people won't give a shit and say 'do whatever you want,' but there are also people who will try to sway you from it because they think it's dumb or not healthy, or it's radical or whatever.  Most of the time I'm not the type of person to give a crap about what others think, but when the people closest to you are being dicks, it's hard not to care what they think.

So, I guess what I'm trying to say is that I resolve to make 2016 a vegan year.  I might fail, there is always that possibility.  But maybe what would be more realistic is to make it an 80 percent vegan year.

I was actually really quite surprised at Thanksgiving when we were at the dinner table eating that my family was pretty open to the idea of doing a Tofurkey/vegan meal!  Even boyfriend was like, "I'm not opposed to that!"  I don't think he knows how pleased that made me.

I've also been wanting to get back into weight-lifting and I've been using one of my favorite vegan YouTubers for inspiration.  She's this cute lil' Scottish girl here:


Sometimes I have a hard time understanding her accent, but it's all good.  So no only is she vegan, but she lifts.

Speaking of YouTube, I monetized my account and am planning on making more videos, new camera or not.  Hoping that I can keep the ideas coming so that I don't just have to do boring VLOGS all the time:


But yeah, on that note, I have been sick!  It's some wicked cold or something.  Congested, crazy coughing, all the coughing gives me a headache.  Constant sneezing and leakage, running out of tissues!  My boss sent me home early yesterday cuz I was so pathetic, so I went home, filmed this little diddy, and crawled into bed while hopped up on Dayquil and tea.  I woke up twice in the night and took two extras chugs of Nyquil....I think that helped, LOL.  Going back in to work today, I will probably still take it easy since I've still got a cough and drippy nose, grossssss.  TMI.

Just need to pick up some tissues.....

If you missed it too, here is my half assed Renaissance Faire costume:


It was cold and rainy, so I wore my moose hat with my pirate shirt and vest, black sweatpants work rather well as pirate pants, just fyi, as long as you wear them with your pirate boots.  Then of course a jacket over all of it, haha.  I don't think that walking around the cold and rain of Renn Faire helped my cold either though.....also, surprise this morning, I got a COLD sore.  Yeah, no surprise there really.  I have fast acting meds to make those fuckers heal quick though.

Okay, so sorry for the long blog.  Congratulations if you made it this far.

I need to start my Christmas cards soon as well.  So much to do with life, and then there's Christmas cards....oy vey.

Have a good day, kittens!!

Thursday, November 12, 2015

And Then It Hit Me.

That Halloween is really over!  I know, I know, I said I was going to post this yesterday, but life happens and distractions happen, what of it?

 But indeed, Halloween is really over, and it took a couple of weeks for me to really realize it.  I still saw at least three houses decorate for Halloween on my walks to work up until today!  Of course I love it, but at the same time, everywhere else I see Christmas stuff.  I don't HATE Christmas, I just don't observe it.  I still decorate and can enjoy Christmas stuff here and there, but I don't observe it.  I still love sending out Christmas cards, I just don't OBSERVE it.  Is this making any kind of sense?  I don't want gifts, because I don't get other people gifts, maybe a handful of people, but like, BARELY.  The whole gift giving thing just makes absolutely no sense to me.  And it makes people broke and depressed by the end of it anyway.  Oh yeah, and of course there is that minor detail of my day of birth being six days before XMAS, so that kind of ruins things too.  There ARE people out there who have Christmas birthdays and who love the holiday, I'm just indifferent.

But anyway, we'll talk about Christmas some other time, because well, it IS still happening.  If I were to have a tree, I would get a white one or a black one, and decorate it Halloweenish, duh.

Ya know, I was going to come on here and talk about what's been going on in my head and what not lately, but I think I'll just leave it at this.  Basically, I've been pretty busy lately, looking forward to Thanksgiving though, and have been putting too much on my plate ALREADY.  Some of the things on my mind lately include, but are not limited to: being responsible for Thanksgiving dinner again, work and my lack of motivation, the millennial curse and the fate of my generation, the fact that I stopped my regular birth control and haven't had a period in four years and am just waiting around for the shit storm to come back with a vengeance, worried that I won't find success in social media and won't find my niche in the YouTube world, renaissance faire, my friends' dating lives and how interesting yet terrifying it all sounds, wtf am I doing with my life, being wishy-washy in every aspect of my life and wondering if real grown people ever feel the same way.  Among so many other things.

Okay, well, sorry no pictures today, but if you're interested in books and/or supporting my channel, please watch my video/s.  Thank you, I appreciate any views and support.


PEACE OUT!

Saturday, November 7, 2015

Now What?

Officially a week since Halloween.  We've had some nice cloudy, a little bit rainy and cooler weather lately.  I dig it, and wish it could be like this most of the time.

Thanksgiving is on the horizon and I still don't really have any plans.  Usually I cook and have people over, but I'm just not feeling it right now.  I wish someone would cook for me for once.  Boyfriend and I haven't really come up with any solid plans yet either.  Maybe I'll just stay home and make myself a vegan Thanksgiving because no one else is interested in that except me.

Speaking of vegan, I finally made another vegan video for my channel, a taste test video!!  I would like to do more later on, especially once I get the hang of it.  So if you are interested, here it is :)


I realize that most of my audience, the very small audience that I have, are not interested in vegan related issues, but I want to reach all kinds of people with all kinds of interests.  I'll figure out my niche with time.

My next video will probably definitely be either my Pagan books, or the one I need to make for the YouTube contest :-O

I think I've got about 95% of the Halloween stuff put away, and am working on fall stuff.  Just put up a little here and there.  Been cleaning and watching YouTube all day.  I have homework of course as well!  Honestly, I feel like sometimes I just can't keep up with all the little crap, AND have time to relax or be social and be normal.  I wish there were more hours in the day!

Ugh, especially with this time change crap!  Is this messing anyone else up?!  I literally get off work at 7, and just want to come home and get in bed because it's already so flipping dark!  I don't want to do anything, it's irritating.  I'm sure I'll get used to it soon....hopefully.

We went back to the arcade this week and I redeemed my tokens prize, but by no means did not use all of them!  I dunno who could use fifty dollars worth of tokens in one go.  I still had so many leftover from the last visit!  It's gonna take about three more visits, ha.


I played Elvira, some gambling games, skeeball, and one of our favorite team shooting games.

But yeah, it's rounding out to about 2PM so I better get back to being productive.  Thanks for reading!  Please check out my YouTube and Instagram for more interesting things.

Bye kittens :)

Monday, November 2, 2015

Novemberween!

How was everyone's Halloween?!  Great I hope.  I did a few things to celebrate this weekend!

Dorothy and I went to the arcade Friday night and I dressed up as Chucky!


It was so much fun, but not so much fun trying to get the temporary tattoos off that night, the next morning and afternoon!  It was a process, let me tell you, but worth winning $50 in tokens, keehee.

I woke up to a super scary Halloween storm at 2:30AM too!  However, I still had to get up around 6AM to get ready for my exam.....only to find out the campus was CLOSED due to the extreme weather!  How ridiculous is that?!?!  It wasn't even that bad, just spooky.

Ugh, anyway, my professor is letting me take it tomorrow.

Halloween day I dressed up as a witch.


I feel like I look a little like my mom in this picture.  I think my mom had magic powers and that she passed them on to me, hehehe.

I ended up not wearing the costume while handing out candy, however.  But had a lot of ToT's and almost ran out of candy!!


Had to refill the bucket a couple times, and my beer once, haha.

I only decorated the yard quickly that afternoon, but it was just enough to let the kids know I had candy!




Well, I hope you enjoyed the picture heavy blog.  I feel like people just simply don't have time or the care to read lots of writing.  Like, who gives a shit about my adventures, really?!

Thanks for stopping by though, for reals.  I appreciate all the love I get on social media <3

Until next time, kittens!

Friday, October 30, 2015

Halloweek + Walking Dead Trivia!

Ermahgerd, 1 day y'all.  Are you ready? I guess I kind of am, ha.

It is raining cats and dogs this morning, and I'm doing a load of laundry, kinda silly!  Hey, you do what you gotta do.  I have to wash all of my Halloween socks and shirts!  One of which I am wearing this evening with my last minute Chucky costume!  Lol.  I recently bought a pair of overalls, and realized I have a shirt that will work, then hopped over to Wal-Mart for some last minute essential accessories and voila!  I'm sort of the master of last minute costuming.


I realize my hair is quite a bit longer than the real Chucky, but really, it's the accessories that make the costume.  I'm excited.  Once I get off, going to trek through the rain home somehow and get started on my costume and head to the arcade with friends for the Halloween party and games!!  Woooo!

The only thing standing in my way is HOMEWORK.  Yuck.  Yeah, I totally forgot I have a test due by Sunday....I'm a master procrastinator and work well under pressure though.  Go me.

Oh, and Walking Dead trivia on Wednesday was A BLAST!  I took the reigns since none of my friends had ever been to a Geeks Who Drink Trivia quiz before!  Let alone a themed one!  I go on a semi-regular basis as my BFF is a quiz master for them, and she just so happened to host this months TWD themed quiz and I was soooooooo excited for her.  My teammates decided on Carol's Casseroles for our team name, LOL.  The other choices were Merle's Right Hand Man or Terminus Treats.  If you've ever seen the show, then you will get it....if not, then go watch them!

It was a super fun time, and we ended up tying for fourth with another team, which is pretty damn good.  Pretty proud of us.

Photo courtesy: Alyssa B. (aka BFF)

Photo courtesy: Alyssa B.

Our team pic, and then one of Alyssa and me afterward.  I helped her with her makeup!  Everyone had great fucking costumes.  CORAL!!!!

Ahh, anyway, so that was a great night, but in health news, I was feeling better Tuesday and Wednesday of this week, but ran out of time to do any vlogging.  Managed to push out a crappy one yesterday morning.  But early yesterday morning I woke up to Ichabod being sick AGAIN.  As I got up to clean up his mess, I ended up getting a splitting headache in the back of my head!  I ended up taking some pain meds which is usually something I try to avoid, and finally fell back asleep about an hour later.  Didn't have much trouble with pain the rest of the day, but the anxiety came back, so yeah, I'm feeling better, but not?  Ha.  Whatever, I feel okay right now, and that's all that matters.  I did send this picture to boyfriend yesterday though, which somewhat sums up how I've been feeling the past few weeks:



As for Ichabod, I think it's just stress and anxiety!  He's always had a fairly bare belly, like almost completely fur-less, but recently I realized that he has been pulling it out, and leaving more chunks of hair around and there has been more hair in his vomit....so, my next order of action is to get him some calming treats and see if that helps.  Because otherwise, he is completely normal; he eats, plays, wrestles with his brother, cuddles and what not.  And yes, I know cats are extremely good at hiding illness, but I've had cats long enough to know that if he's wrestling, he's fucking fine other than what my boyfriend calls "a mentally ill cat."

Okay, I've blathered enough...TORNADO/FLASH FLOOD WARNING sent to my phone!!! We're gonna diiiiiieee!!!!  jkjkjkjk

Here's my latest VLOG if you care, but it pretty much just sums up what I talked about now.

OKAY BAI!

Tuesday, October 27, 2015

Halloweek & The Adventures of a Hypochondriac!

That's right, I came here to talk about my health again.  I'd like to focus on Halloween, but that just ain't happening as my anxiety/stress/depression/hypochondria dictate and consume my life.

For a second there, I thought I was feeling better, but yesterday I had a sudden rush of heart palpitations as I was just sitting at my laptop watching a YouTube video, and with that came a rush of light headedness and feeling like I was about to pass out right in my office at work.  I feel like I need a fucking babysitter....

I KNOW I should go to the doctor, but honestly, they aren't going to tell me anything I don't already know.  The best they can do is take my blood and see if I have low iron, which I have started taking supplements for, just in case.  As well, I am on vitamin D and B12.  I like to treat things naturally and without going to a doctor who really doesn't know what the hell they're talking about.  I don't like or trust doctors...I'm just like a man....lol.  Bad joke?

Anyway, the forecast for Halloween here is looking rainy :( I may not even be able to decorate!

I was supposed to decorate boyfriend's house this past weekend, but it was raining all weekend.  And it's supposed to come back this weekend as well.  Hopefully it will only be in the morning and leave by the time the kids go out for candy!

Tomorrow some friends and I are going to the Geeks Who Drink Walking Dead Trivia and it should be a fun time.  Fun lil' Halloween themed activity!  I even get to leave work early :-D

I would like to get around to more videos, and have posted a couple of my cat, but it's been hard to get motivated.  I also have a YouTube contest I need to make a video for by November 15th!  That's right, a contest!  You'll see later....

Anyway, here is the video of my cat playing with a stick.  That's all for now.  Just needed to get some health talk off my chest again.  My stomach issues seem to have subsided for the most part, now it has manifested into general anxiety and chronic headaches...oh, the joys of being a hypochondriac....

Bye!

Wednesday, October 21, 2015

Final Countdown.

It's officially 10 days until Halloween.  What's everyone going to be doing?!  Leave a comment below if you feel so inclined.

As I mentioned before, I am giving out candy to the trick-or-treaters this year!  Want to keep it low key and I just really enjoy seeing kids having fun with the holiday.  I'm just hoping that at boyfriend's new house, there are plenty of kids.  His house is BRAND NEW and it's still a developing neighborhood, but it's right next to another neighborhood, so hoping those kiddos migrate over to us.  I will be decorating, so hopefully that gives kids the impression that THIS HOUSE HAS CANDY!!!

Assuming you read my last entry a couple days ago, you know the party was a success.  I forgot to mention the shmorgishborg of leftover beer at my house and I'm not sure who left these, but I tried one and it was quite satisfactory:


So whichever friend left that, and if you're reading this, thanks!  Lol.  It wasn't verrry pumpkiny, but it was a darker beer and had a smooth taste.  I had bought a bunch of beer to share with guests as well, but was so busy with the liquor and jello shots, I forgot about the beer! I feel like I didn't quite get people drunk enough this year, haha.  But the general consensus on the jello shots was that they were the best I've made in all the years I've been doing this, ha.

I know if you're reading this then you probably don't need to watch my newest Vlog update, but here it is anyway!


I also just appreciate the views and support.  I really am trying to quit my day job.  And while I still find my niche, especially once the Halloween season is over, I will be posting a slew of different content and videos for all audiences to enjoy.  So again, thank you for supporting me!

Here is one last picture that I like of me in my costume!!


I'll be back, you know it!  Bye kittens :)

Monday, October 19, 2015

Halloweening!

Ooooh, hellooooo!  I've had more than one person tell me this before, and I sort of feel like it myself, but often it feels like Halloween is over after I have my party!  LOL.  But it's not!  Still more Halloweening to do!

But yes, the party was a success this past Saturday.  There were fewer people this year, so it was slightly more intimate, but it's okay, I have a slightly small apartment and we all had a good time.  I especially enjoyed how into the movie trivia people got, hehe.  I have so much leftover stuff, I should have another Halloween party this weekend!  Ha, but I won't, I have to go to boyfriend's house this weekend and decorate the front of it!  See, still so much Halloween to do!

But anyway, I'll let the pictures speak for themselves:






My boyfriend and me.


The movie trivia board.






IV bags and x-rays in the hallway.


Jello shots.


And for those who don't know me personally, I am the one in the bloody hospital gown.

After trivia I asked my friends to vote on next years theme, and it has been decided that Vintage Halloween it is!!!  This will actually be easy and fun.  Lots of paper mache and streamers and such.  Also, it means I get to do a lot of research on Halloween related things, which of course is my favorite.  But it will be themed between like 1900 and 1960.  That's what I consider vintage.  But yes, I have of course already started getting ideas and juices are flowing.

As for me personally, I have been thinking about making a doctors appointment with regards to my on again, off again anxiety and now recent stomach issues and general loss of appetite and unintended weight loss.  Just trying to take care of myself.

Will definitely make a couple of Vlogs this week now that I am not so preoccupied anymore.  Although I have an online class that started today, so I will be a little busy with that now as well.  Just need to keep busy, that's what always makes me happy.

Thanks for reading, kittens!  And thank you to everyone who made it to the party, now I can't wait until next year!